QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART MOVIE

“Why is my heart beating?” yells one player as she races through the game’s dialogue, eager to arrive at her happy ending. These videos feature real-world players, blushing and stuttering, who have immersed themselves in the dating-simulation experience just like me.

My pleasure at being wooed through a game is common enough, judging by the number of game tutorials for Dream Daddy on Twitch and YouTube. At my computer, I’m fully embarrassed-but smiling-about successfully being wooed by “Robert,” the two-dimensional “Bad Dad” of the 2017 videogame Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator. A loading screen pops up while I wait for my progress in the game to save and for my avatar to return home. With that, the game stats roll in, showing me that I aced this date. I’m reassured as emojis of hearts and eggplants suddenly fly out of Robert in every direction. At the end of the night, as he says goodbye to me, I try to decide between a number of responses and finally end up saying, “Thanks for defending my honor.” It’s the right move, I think.

QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART MOVIE

Later still, we’re in a movie theater, where somehow we’ve gotten into an altercation with some teens I vaguely know. The next thing I know, we’re on the curb outside of a convenience store drinking brownbagged Zinfandel. Weird, but I’m all too willing to comply. At one point, he tells me to stop with the small talk, and that there’s nothing wrong with two people drinking in silence. The whole night, I’m trying to impress him with my love of whiskey (feigned) and my wild side (also feigned). All of a sudden, we’re on our first date. The next day, I find Robert’s profile online and send him a message. The bartender says that he’s never seen Robert so talkative before, and hints that it must mean more. And when he excuses himself to use the restroom, the bartender informs me that he is surprised, too. When he finally introduces himself at a local dive bar, he offers me a drink. Nevertheless, in the days that follow, I find myself gravitating toward him. But Robert-glaring back at me from over his mug-isn’t friendly at all. New to the neighborhood, I’m looking for a friendly face. Robert first catches my eye from across the coffee shop.

Quit playing games with my heart